Almost a movie
Almost a movie

Almost Human, turned out to be almost a movie. Almost is maybe more credit than the movie deserves. I give it a solid upper 4/10 for the movie. The nice thing is that this movie was only 1hr19min long, there are some truely gruesome murders, there is a vague attempt at making the movie scary, and there is also some ridiculous acting and facial expresssions almost as bad as Will Smith’s kid in After Earth. So basically its based on some events that occured in Maine, USA. The fact that it is “based on events” means that the artistic licence is thrown directly at the storyline, and what once had the potential of being far fetched, becomes something truely out of the mind of a rather lazy wanna be script writer.

So the basic premised is that there have been sightings of lights in the skies and weird occurrences. It starts off with some dude named Seth speeding off to see his friend, babbling about lights in the sky and another guy getting taken by the light. There is the usual “don’t go outside!!” and the friend being skeptical and going outside. Anyway his friend (can’t remember his name) eventually gets taken by this light while on his front lawn.

This is Seth
This is Seth

Two years later the lights appear again. Seth is convinced his friend is coming back and that something bad is about to happen (of course. We weren’t told this but he is psychic). He tries to warn some people, they think he is crazy especially since this is the second time that he has told people shits about to pop off.

Seth's friend and abductee
Seth’s friend and abductee

His abducted friend comes back (of course). He get’s found in the woods naked and covered in some sort of goo. He lets off some sort of blood curdling eerie scream (that sounds similar to the noise the… aliens made when they first came and took him) and the murders the two poor hunters who found him. He then proceeds on a murderous rampage, blowing a service station owners head off, stabbing a guy refueling his car multiple times, he goes to his old house and kills the new home owners, finds his ex girlfriend (now married), murders her fiance, takes her hostage, calls Seth and tells him he is home.

Seth's abducted friend's ex girlfriend
Seth’s abducted friend’s ex girlfriend

Of course after he murders these people (as long as their heads are intact), he then proceeds to plant something inside them via the alien version of mouth to mouth resuscitation. It results in the people cocooning and then coming back as these almost human alien thingies who want to take over and control everything. It is very vague and it sounds like the aliens do not actually have a plan


At the end of the movie they all die. Seth is shot in the back by a policeman while he is in the middle of the road bashing his friends ex girlfriend in the head with a rock he found on the side of the road (she had been implanted with the alien… thing), Seth’s friend’s head gets shot off by Seth as he is trying to save Seth’s ex girlfriend who is about to be directly implanted with this alien thing via her lady bits (yes it happens… it is quite disturbing).

The final thought I want to share is that all the other cocooned bodies were killed by Seth… except for the ex girlfriend’s fiance. The was left to continue turning. Dear director of this movie (I could’t google your name but I am not going to afford you another hit on Google coz this was garbage), please let that fact slide and do NOT bring another one of these flicks. It felt like he watched Invasion of The Body Snatchers and thought he could do one better…. no…

Things I learnt from this movie

  1. If you see some lights, and someone gets abducted, don’t wait in the same town for two years for him to come back and kill a bunch of people. The police will think you are mad and eventually shoot you
  2. There are some people who somehow manage to get given money to direct a movie that even makes it to the cinema. I am in the process of setting up a movie vetting commission that does not allow some movies to make it to the cinema (regardless of the budget) and that sends them straight to DVD
  3. If your partner gets abducted by aliens or being, or better yet by a light from your front garden, if s/he doesn’t come back after two years and you decide to move on and get remarried, move town.
  4. Never trust a man with a Rick Ross ginger beard walking around with a hunting rifle on his back. He was probably abducted by aliens…


So my holiday has started and I am off work till the middle of Jan. It has also been a long time since I managed to share my thoughts. This year has been a pretty tough year. I haven’t had weekends coz I have been studying during weekends, and working during the week. So essentially it has been 7 day weeks.

So I had an interesting conversation at the Muppet’s Corner. It was about the concept of time, but in relation to movies. So the movie Terminator, some guy sends some guy from the future to the past to change the outcome of the future (this is the spoiler free version, and doesn’t express how much I actually like the movies… the first two anyway. The third and fourth are just junk.) According to the theory of this movie, time is linear and changing the past changes the future to what you hope it will be like.

However I think that time is more organic. There is no guarantee that if one aspect of the past is changed, the future will be changed to how you/they want it to be. For arguments sake, what is to say that if Sadam was not killed, Iraq would have been better, or worse. There are other factors that are not considered, or rather can’t be considered. There could have been someone else who could have taken Sadam out and resulted in a totally different outcome.

It will always be difficult to preempt the future by changing the past. It will always be an interesting concept in movies, and rather entertaining. But the interpretation is up to us unfortunate viewers…