The Escort (2016) *SPOILER ALERT*

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Running Time: An easy hour and 28 minutes

Cast: Lyndsy FonsecaMichael DonegerTommy Dewey

Genre: Rom-Com

Rating: 7 Russian Escorts out of 10

The escort is a rom-com (I don’t watch rom-com’s in general because they are wholly exaggerated and predictable) about an escort who gets befriended and falls in love (obviously right at the end) with a sex addict. The story follows an escort as she goes about her business sleeping with various people for money… and also tutoring maths as that’s what her passion is.

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The Escort….

The movie in itself turned out to be extremely funny staring a wholly unknown (to me) cast. A down and out sex addict who spends his time working for a newspaper writing obituaries and sleeping with the interns, gets fired from his job and is on the verge of being kicked out his apartment.

Sex addict on the left… whor…. escort on the right

A chance encounter at a hotel bar while he is waiting for one of his random hook ups puts him on a road to recovery as two individuals with similar problems join up and spend the rest of the movie enabling each other while denying the fact that they should probably be together and burn the world down together with their destructive, but fulfilling behaviour.

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When the sex addict took the… escort to meet his dad…

The movie has a lot of pretty hilarious parts, and the characters try their best to keep the movie ticking over at a nice and enjoyable pace. As I said the ending of the movie is pretty predictable. However this wasn’t a surprise as this wasn’t an Inception type movie. I would watch the movie again because it was more of a com-rom than a rom-com.

 

John Wick: Chapter 2 *SPOILER ALERT*

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Runtime: 2hrs 2min

Starring: Neo (From the Matrix), Morpheus (Also from the Matrix), Common (Yes the rapper dude), and a few other familiar faces from the first Movie.

If you haven’t watched the first John Wick yet I suggest you go and watch it, then watch this one as soon as you are done.

Once again the Boogeyman is on the loose, murdering crimelords and their henchmen like its an everyday thing. For John Wick, it seems like this is the reason why he came into this world. To ensure that the population of henchmen does not grow too large. In fact, he is ensuring that there is a low rate of unemployment in the henchmen industry by killing as many of them as possible.

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Always nice to get help from the person who showed you the real world…. wait. Wrong movie…

In this “episode”, John Wick is called out of retirement AGAIN (however I have to commend the director/producer/writer or whoever came up with the idea) to kill some evil guys sister. As the story progresses, it turns out that his target is someone who he actually knew quite well. So he kills her, then his employer double crosses him and dies (No surprise here).

The movie is utterly enjoyable. John Wick continues with his same vein of killing a few hundred people in his way by way of (multiple) headshots, the use of knives, fists and most notably a pencil.

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Depressed John Wick

 

John is still depressed about the death of his wife and is still not over her death. This makes watching his murderous reign all the more enjoyable. He has a new dog that has no name and at least in this movie the dog does not get unnecessarily killed.

The fight scenes in the movie see as realistic as the movie is, which isn’t a lot. That doesn’t mean that they weren’t entertaining. They were highly entertaining and probably the best I have seen this year.

The people (writers/director/producers) did a good job of making this movie start and end without feeling like they were trying to beat a dying donkey with a sledgehammer in the hope that it would come back to life. They brought in interesting and exciting ideas like other Continental Hotels, gunsmiths, tailors and an entire world surrounding the underworld that John Wick operates in.

All in all, I gave this movie a solid 8.2 headshots out of 10. The movie wasn’t too long, the story was easy to follow and kept my wife and myself enthralled from the beginning to end.

Divorce in The Zimbabwean Context

Marriage in Zimbabwe is a weird institution. I say that because here in Zimbabwe there are a lot of hang-ups regarding it. For all intents and purposes, most people speak about it being a union, but it gets treated almost as a right of passage. In 2017 (in Zimbabwe of course), some women are looked upon differently if they get to a certain age and are STILL not married, or if they have a child or children out of marriage. There are a few other examples but today that is not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about divorce in the Zimbabwean context.

Unfortunately, due to the make-up of the human person, divorce is something that may occur. By nature, males and females are very different and with that in mind, there are some people who are simply not a match. I can’t tell you what makes two people a match, but there are simply some people who are not and should not be married. They, however, decide to try anyway. Ultimately that is their choice. In the same way, if they decide to divorce it is also THEIR choice.

In Zimbabwe, however, there are certain schools of thought that are hard to agree with. I was talking with a colleague at work and having a debate about divorce a few weeks ago. I told her that I didn’t think that divorce was an awfully bad thing if it was done for the right reasons. She responded by telling me that if someone gets married in the church, in front of their friends and family it is their responsibility to see that marriage through till death. I asked her what one should do then if one of the partners is unfaithful and could put the other at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. She responded by saying that they would need to work it out.

I feel (as a married man) that one should try by all means to be in a happy marriage. If the marriage is now becoming a danger to your health (physical and mental), then one should do whatever is necessary to protect yourself within the means of the law. In this instance, I would say that divorce would be the best thing to do in order to protect yourself. However, that is just my opinion.

The people who suffer the most from divorce are not the parents. The parents are adults who decided to get married and then decided to try and make each other happy or decided to make each other miserable. The people who suffer the most from divorce are the children (if there are any). There are some things that I have noticed about divorce in Zimbabwe.

  1. Children do no choose for their parents to divorce: I say this because there always ends up being an argument about who should take care/keep the child. Surely it should be more about raising the child together. The parents do not need to be able to stand each other or even converse with each other, but when it comes to issues of THEIR child, they have to put all the petty differences aside and agree. They have to be the adults in this situation and make joint decisions. They both got divorced, they should BOTH raise the child. One should not have more rights than the other, and the other must not give up those rights because it’s easier.
  2. Children are not pawns. This is not chess, this is their life: It can’t be that Parent A holds all the cards (unless there are extenuating circumstances that result in the child being kept by Parent A and not Parent B eg drug abuse). This will do nothing but sow discontent between Parent A and Parent B. It will always be about getting one up on each other. The child should not also be used as a bargaining tool. One of my friends was telling me about how one of his cousin’s wife was demanding money for the upbringing of a child he never had access to. His dilemma was that whenever he met his wife’s demands (money for fuel, to get her hair done, holidays), he would then have access to his child. To me, this sounds like a bit of bribery. It is obvious that as a loving parent, he then was willing to meet the demands in order to see his child. This will never work, but the sad story is that in Zimbabwe this is actually happening.
  3. The death of privacy and decency because of the wrong use of social media: More than five people have told me that social media is going to be the end of a lot of relationships. I agree. The crazy stuff that you see online these days is shocking. Every day you are bound to find someone ranting about something completely inappropriate and private on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. There is no need for anyone to tell the world how much of a useless person Partner A was or is being with regards to the upbringing of a child. Honestly, the internets do not need to know about that. If you as a Parent A, feel that Parent B does not care about a child, telling the world is not going to make the situation better. Furthermore, telling one side of the story will not help anything either. That is not a cry for help, that is simply a cry out loud to let people know that your life was never going to be private. Somethings can never be unsaid. Be the bigger person. Talk about the weather, what’s on TV, politics, football, the colour of the sky. Keep the home issues at home. Not on the internets.
  4. Children have impressionable minds: Parent A or Parent B (whoever lives with the child) can paint whatever picture they what to of the other parent. This can result in certain things being said about one parent to the child. The child is likely to believe what they are being told if they are told enough and very soon they will believe that. Parents need to be careful.
  5. The over-involvement of extended family: In Zimbabwean black culture, the extended family plays a big role in marriages. They are involved in everything from the bride-price negotiations, to the wedding organisation and sometimes funding. Also culturally there is an idea that it is good for certain select members of the extended family can act as mediators in divorce to try help with certain negotiations. Emotional support should be given. Outright demands (financial and or otherwise) should not be made because they are the grandmother/grandfather/uncle/aunt. We are supposed to act as a support network, not as though we are as entitled as our sons/daughters/brothers/sisters/nephews child. We should be ready to stand up when necessary, not to stand up on behalf of. It unwittingly shows a desperation that does not look attractive to anyone if we try and stand up on behalf of.

What do you think? Let me know…

 

The Veil (2016) *SPOILER ALERT*

 

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The other people who also act with Jessica Alba

IMDB Movie Snippet: “Twenty-five years after members of a religious cult committed mass suicide, the lone survivor returns to the scene of the tragedy with a documentary crew in tow”

 

Starring: Jessica Alba and some other people.

Run time: 1hr 33min

So the synopsis that IMDB gives leaves you wondering what else the movie could be about. I am happy to say that on more than one occasion I let out a frightened yelp, I had sweaty palms and felt as though my blood ran cold while watching the movie. I also watched the movie in bed with headphones on, so that may have enhanced how frightening the movie ACTUALLY was. It had many of the prerequisites for a horror movie. Not for a good horror movie, but just for a horror movie. It had the eerie location, it had the mystery as to what was terrorizing people and it even had a good back story as to where the terrorists came from.

 

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The other OTHER people in the movie

 

In fact, the background of the story is supposed based on a true story about a cultist group of people who committed mass suicide on some ranch in America-Land (The Jonestown Massacre). This gave it a bit of realism to the story. Not like a Blair Witch Project kind of realism, but it’s own unique storyline that was pretty much believable.

Anyway everyone dies at the end of the movie which makes me feel a little better about the movie. There were some pretty average performances by the rest of the supporting cast. Jessica Alba’s performance borders on frighteningly annoying. Throughout the movie she continually makes bad decision, refusing all signs to leave her investigations alone and shows a complete lack of leadership. In fact it is her fault she got all her friends and some of her family killed. She is actually a really bad friend throughout the movie.

It is one of the first horror movies that I have watched in a VERY long time where they stick together for most of the movie without splitting up. For once they are all somewhat afraid/skeptical about splitting up. Eventually though, the poor planning brings an ultimate and somewhat unsatisfactory demise to all of the people who feature in the movie.

All in all the movie had the chance to be a pretty good movie. The length was adequate for the quality of the horror they tried to expressed and this makes it an easy to watch horror movie. Horror movies should not be “easy to watch”. In fact, this movie has the potential to be a very entertaining comedy as the poor decisions made by Jessica and her motley crew leave a great deal to be desired.

All in all if you want to watch a bunch of people going where they SHOULD NOT be going, making bad decision, ultimately meeting their demise in barely scarey kind of way, and also have an hour and thirty minutes of time to waste, then find another movie to watch. This one is not worth it. It’s not even worth watching it a second time, because I think the disappointment would be even worse.

 

Adult Colouring Books

 

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Cover page of the book

So this turned out to be a really good buy! I was wondering around a supermarket near my parent’s house in the capital city looking for something random to buy alongside the six pack of beers I had in my hand when I bumped into this bad boy. You can’t buy beer in the supermarket before midday without a cover story. This book of Mandalas was the perfect excuse to also buy a six pack of beer. FYI I moved from the capital city to a little town for a year or so. When the project that I was FINALLY over I was moved to an ever smaller little growth point known as Ngezi. My wife and I debated for some time with regards to moving to Harare. However, after a very short debate, we agreed to stay the hell away.

 

Anyway, I have digressed. I picked up this colouring book for a handsome price of USD$5. I paid a further USD$6 for pencil colours, a sharpener and an eraser. I never thought that I could find a hobby that is so relaxing. I am not a very artistic person, but I do know the kind of art that I can dig. The designs in the book are exciting to watch as you get colouring.

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My wife’s ink pen Mandala

 

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My ink pen mandala
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My wife’s pencil colour mandala
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My pencil colour mandala
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My colour crayon mandala

As you can see none of them are complete and they are all a work in progress. I will post some pics of the completed works of art. It has been a very interesting experience. Most of the time I find myself saying “it’s coming out wrong”. I then remind myself that it is art so it will come out the way that I imagine it. It has been helpful in aiding me to appreciate some of the things that are art and taking a little more effort to try and appreciate them.

For those who are living and working in stressful environments (Like MOST Zimbabweans in Zimbabwe), I would seriously suggest getting this book and letting off some steam.

Beer also helps.

Don’t Listen to the Haters

Very interesting little read

Eli DeFariaI remember when I was 24 — I was working at my big girl job, and I recall telling my co-worker that I had hopes of working in the entertainment industry. I foolishly shared my aspirations with her, and do you want to know what she said? She said, “Aren’t you too old to…

via Don’t Listen To The Haters Telling You ‘It’s Too Late’ To Live Your Dream — Thought Catalog

Little Dead Rotting Hood

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Run Time: 1hr 28min

Release Year: Straight to DVD Jan 2016

Cast: Bianca A Santos, Eric Balfour, Romeo Miller and Patrick Muldoon

Now it has been a while since I watched a good B-movie, and this one had all the hallmarks to be one of those B-movies that I would regret watching. The movie is based in some hick American town where everyone knows everyone, the sheriff is a cool young good looking guy with poor people skills, decision making and hates his wife. It follows a very badly told story of the descendant of a werewolf hunter (not the sheriff), who somehow gets attacked by a werewolf and kind of survives. She spends most of her movie not remembering why she keeps waking up bloody and in torn clothing, while at the same time being rather unenthusiastically searched for by her boyfriend (coz she goes missing).

 

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Mr. Sheriff guy with no people skills

 

So as I said, I thought I would regret watching the movie, but it was done so badly that it confused the shit out of me. The performance done by Patrick Muldoon brought the movie to life and made it extremely entertaining. His jokes were on point and he gave the movie a lease of life that made it entertaining. However, some of the incidents that then occur during the movie made my insides twist around (not because it was frightening or disgusting. But coz of how B they made the movie).

 

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This was the main werewolf… 1985 Atari Graphics

 

The sheriff then proceeds to (against the advice of his deputy) to hunt the werewolves down themselves instead of engaging the state troopers to come handle this small issue they are having in their town.

This results in the deaths of MANY of the local townspeople. Most of all the death of the deputy. From the moment he dies the movies becomes rather difficult to watch as there is no one to tell jokes and make you laugh. As with most B-Movies, you can start to tell when the money for the movie started to run out. The explosions became more and more graphic (1985 Atari Graphic), they started repeating scenes to make it seem like there were lots of werewolves in the little town and they generally started running around the town with little to no direction.

All in all this movie is good for a few scenes, it should not be watched sober or alone. This sort of punishment should be shared and not experienced alone. I would suggest staying FAR away from this movie. Even Google said that it was a straight to DVD movie. That should say SOMETHING!

P.S. Before taking movies from work colleagues computers, ask google what the movie is about to avoid massive disappointment