The Escort (2016) *SPOILER ALERT*

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Running Time: An easy hour and 28 minutes

Cast: Lyndsy FonsecaMichael DonegerTommy Dewey

Genre: Rom-Com

Rating: 7 Russian Escorts out of 10

The escort is a rom-com (I don’t watch rom-com’s in general because they are wholly exaggerated and predictable) about an escort who gets befriended and falls in love (obviously right at the end) with a sex addict. The story follows an escort as she goes about her business sleeping with various people for money… and also tutoring maths as that’s what her passion is.

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The Escort….

The movie in itself turned out to be extremely funny staring a wholly unknown (to me) cast. A down and out sex addict who spends his time working for a newspaper writing obituaries and sleeping with the interns, gets fired from his job and is on the verge of being kicked out his apartment.

Sex addict on the left… whor…. escort on the right

A chance encounter at a hotel bar while he is waiting for one of his random hook ups puts him on a road to recovery as two individuals with similar problems join up and spend the rest of the movie enabling each other while denying the fact that they should probably be together and burn the world down together with their destructive, but fulfilling behaviour.

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When the sex addict took the… escort to meet his dad…

The movie has a lot of pretty hilarious parts, and the characters try their best to keep the movie ticking over at a nice and enjoyable pace. As I said the ending of the movie is pretty predictable. However this wasn’t a surprise as this wasn’t an Inception type movie. I would watch the movie again because it was more of a com-rom than a rom-com.

 

John Wick: Chapter 2 *SPOILER ALERT*

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Runtime: 2hrs 2min

Starring: Neo (From the Matrix), Morpheus (Also from the Matrix), Common (Yes the rapper dude), and a few other familiar faces from the first Movie.

If you haven’t watched the first John Wick yet I suggest you go and watch it, then watch this one as soon as you are done.

Once again the Boogeyman is on the loose, murdering crimelords and their henchmen like its an everyday thing. For John Wick, it seems like this is the reason why he came into this world. To ensure that the population of henchmen does not grow too large. In fact, he is ensuring that there is a low rate of unemployment in the henchmen industry by killing as many of them as possible.

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Always nice to get help from the person who showed you the real world…. wait. Wrong movie…

In this “episode”, John Wick is called out of retirement AGAIN (however I have to commend the director/producer/writer or whoever came up with the idea) to kill some evil guys sister. As the story progresses, it turns out that his target is someone who he actually knew quite well. So he kills her, then his employer double crosses him and dies (No surprise here).

The movie is utterly enjoyable. John Wick continues with his same vein of killing a few hundred people in his way by way of (multiple) headshots, the use of knives, fists and most notably a pencil.

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Depressed John Wick

 

John is still depressed about the death of his wife and is still not over her death. This makes watching his murderous reign all the more enjoyable. He has a new dog that has no name and at least in this movie the dog does not get unnecessarily killed.

The fight scenes in the movie see as realistic as the movie is, which isn’t a lot. That doesn’t mean that they weren’t entertaining. They were highly entertaining and probably the best I have seen this year.

The people (writers/director/producers) did a good job of making this movie start and end without feeling like they were trying to beat a dying donkey with a sledgehammer in the hope that it would come back to life. They brought in interesting and exciting ideas like other Continental Hotels, gunsmiths, tailors and an entire world surrounding the underworld that John Wick operates in.

All in all, I gave this movie a solid 8.2 headshots out of 10. The movie wasn’t too long, the story was easy to follow and kept my wife and myself enthralled from the beginning to end.

The Veil (2016) *SPOILER ALERT*

 

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The other people who also act with Jessica Alba

IMDB Movie Snippet: “Twenty-five years after members of a religious cult committed mass suicide, the lone survivor returns to the scene of the tragedy with a documentary crew in tow”

 

Starring: Jessica Alba and some other people.

Run time: 1hr 33min

So the synopsis that IMDB gives leaves you wondering what else the movie could be about. I am happy to say that on more than one occasion I let out a frightened yelp, I had sweaty palms and felt as though my blood ran cold while watching the movie. I also watched the movie in bed with headphones on, so that may have enhanced how frightening the movie ACTUALLY was. It had many of the prerequisites for a horror movie. Not for a good horror movie, but just for a horror movie. It had the eerie location, it had the mystery as to what was terrorizing people and it even had a good back story as to where the terrorists came from.

 

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The other OTHER people in the movie

 

In fact, the background of the story is supposed based on a true story about a cultist group of people who committed mass suicide on some ranch in America-Land (The Jonestown Massacre). This gave it a bit of realism to the story. Not like a Blair Witch Project kind of realism, but it’s own unique storyline that was pretty much believable.

Anyway everyone dies at the end of the movie which makes me feel a little better about the movie. There were some pretty average performances by the rest of the supporting cast. Jessica Alba’s performance borders on frighteningly annoying. Throughout the movie she continually makes bad decision, refusing all signs to leave her investigations alone and shows a complete lack of leadership. In fact it is her fault she got all her friends and some of her family killed. She is actually a really bad friend throughout the movie.

It is one of the first horror movies that I have watched in a VERY long time where they stick together for most of the movie without splitting up. For once they are all somewhat afraid/skeptical about splitting up. Eventually though, the poor planning brings an ultimate and somewhat unsatisfactory demise to all of the people who feature in the movie.

All in all the movie had the chance to be a pretty good movie. The length was adequate for the quality of the horror they tried to expressed and this makes it an easy to watch horror movie. Horror movies should not be “easy to watch”. In fact, this movie has the potential to be a very entertaining comedy as the poor decisions made by Jessica and her motley crew leave a great deal to be desired.

All in all if you want to watch a bunch of people going where they SHOULD NOT be going, making bad decision, ultimately meeting their demise in barely scarey kind of way, and also have an hour and thirty minutes of time to waste, then find another movie to watch. This one is not worth it. It’s not even worth watching it a second time, because I think the disappointment would be even worse.

 

Little Dead Rotting Hood

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Run Time: 1hr 28min

Release Year: Straight to DVD Jan 2016

Cast: Bianca A Santos, Eric Balfour, Romeo Miller and Patrick Muldoon

Now it has been a while since I watched a good B-movie, and this one had all the hallmarks to be one of those B-movies that I would regret watching. The movie is based in some hick American town where everyone knows everyone, the sheriff is a cool young good looking guy with poor people skills, decision making and hates his wife. It follows a very badly told story of the descendant of a werewolf hunter (not the sheriff), who somehow gets attacked by a werewolf and kind of survives. She spends most of her movie not remembering why she keeps waking up bloody and in torn clothing, while at the same time being rather unenthusiastically searched for by her boyfriend (coz she goes missing).

 

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Mr. Sheriff guy with no people skills

 

So as I said, I thought I would regret watching the movie, but it was done so badly that it confused the shit out of me. The performance done by Patrick Muldoon brought the movie to life and made it extremely entertaining. His jokes were on point and he gave the movie a lease of life that made it entertaining. However, some of the incidents that then occur during the movie made my insides twist around (not because it was frightening or disgusting. But coz of how B they made the movie).

 

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This was the main werewolf… 1985 Atari Graphics

 

The sheriff then proceeds to (against the advice of his deputy) to hunt the werewolves down themselves instead of engaging the state troopers to come handle this small issue they are having in their town.

This results in the deaths of MANY of the local townspeople. Most of all the death of the deputy. From the moment he dies the movies becomes rather difficult to watch as there is no one to tell jokes and make you laugh. As with most B-Movies, you can start to tell when the money for the movie started to run out. The explosions became more and more graphic (1985 Atari Graphic), they started repeating scenes to make it seem like there were lots of werewolves in the little town and they generally started running around the town with little to no direction.

All in all this movie is good for a few scenes, it should not be watched sober or alone. This sort of punishment should be shared and not experienced alone. I would suggest staying FAR away from this movie. Even Google said that it was a straight to DVD movie. That should say SOMETHING!

P.S. Before taking movies from work colleagues computers, ask google what the movie is about to avoid massive disappointment

The Girlfriend Experience *SPOILER ALERT*

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Well, I got home from a short week at work and happened upon my wife watching this TV show. I am finding it quite hard to properly express how it made me feel but I am going to give it a go.

Basically, the show is about a female law student who is doing an internship at some law firm and she is a prostitute or high-class call girl (I don’t see the difference between the two….). The story follows how she fantastically fails to balance these two careers.

So I only managed to catch the second half of the first season (and I am pretty much glad I didn’t watch the first half of the season. The main characters fall from grace is inevitable as I feel like the writers wrote themselves into a nice little corner, but I will get into that later). By the time I started she had been left $500,000 by a now dead client (not from her job as an intern, but from her prostituting), she had a stalker (possibly from her prostituting), she was being blackmailed (to give up the $500k she was left from her prostituting or she would be exposed as being a prostitute) and she had slept with one of her bosses.

It was at this point that I felt that the show really lost the plot. They tried to make her job as an intern interesting and add some dynamics to her life – a “friend” from the office, a cool boss (not the one she slept with, another one), and some really beautiful interior designing for her apartment and also her office space that distracted from the many things the show was lacking.

She eventually gets fired from her work when she is exposed as a prostitute. She, in the process, takes down the boss who she slept with. It was at this point where they should have brought the show to an end. The writers (in my expert opinion as someone who has NEVER written a TV show in my LIFE) reduced the number of story arcs that could be explored by firing her from her job as an intern.

The reason why I am of this opinion is that once she lost her job as an intern, the only thing they could write about is her having sex for money. They had the potential to push a few story arcs, but one of the guys turns into someone she has internet sex with a few times, and the other guy is too wasted for there to be a viable story to write about him.

The show has one recognizable face (or one face I recognized), which is Chloe O’Brian from 24. She is floating around in the show. The rest of the cast felt as forgettable as the story they were trying to do.

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Unfortunately, the show felt as though it was a vague challenge to Suits (which I thought was also absolutely ridiculous… and I only managed to watch the first season then I had to stop…). This to me felt like they wanted to portray the main lady as a strong, independent and decisive woman. Instead I found that she struggled making decisions, she wanted to bake her cake, watch it rise in the oven, take it out, smell it, eat it and sell it all at the same time; furthermore she could not be trusted (there are a few times that it feels like she’s trying REALLY hard to manipulate people by recording conversation. NOT. COOL).

All in all, it was a great bit of background TV. I hope that they DO NOT do another season of the show. Even if they do, it’s not like I would watch it. I would much rather spend my time looking for comics to download and read… or sleep.

Final Verdict: There are more interesting was to spend 24 minutes (that’s the length of an episode)

24: Legacy *Possible Spoiler Alert*

First off 24 was my show. I thoroughly enjoyed Seasons 1-5. Seasons 6-8 were possibly overkill. I had seen my man Jack Bauer kill enough people in the first five seasons. Seasons 6-8 and the other funny spin-off they did was enough for me to agree that as much as Bauer was truly a man’s man, he should also be tried at the Hague for crimes against humanity (while trying to save the world at the same time).

Of course then came about this new latest spin-off of 24 called 24: Legacy. Now I have only watched the first two episodes (not including the pilot), and I have to say I was a little bit impressed. They seem to have given us a new cast. It’s not like they had another choice as most of the old cast had died in various ways.

So the new lead of 24 is black. He’s some guy that I have watched acting in other movies and TV related things. I couldn’t be bothered to Google him. I feel that it is a positive move by them. I could go into a mumble about how nice it is to have a brother of colour as the leading role for a series, but I don’t know yet if he is going to fly or fall. Apart from that there seem to be the usual office politics happening both inside CTU and outside CTU. The fact is, office politics happens everywhere. Bad guys deal with it, good guys deal with it,  everybody works has to deal with office politics at some point in their lives.

Apart from that there seem to be the usual office politics happening both inside CTU and outside CTU. The fact is, office politics happens everywhere. Bad guys deal with it, good guys deal with it,  everybody works has to deal with office politics at some point in their lives.

They have also flown as close as possible (I feel) to many themes that were present in previous seasons of 24. They are telling the story slowly, there are many sub-plots that have already started to be told, and will be told during the reason of this season. They have kept the show exciting and tried to add as much suspense as possible by the use of a much better score compared to that of the previous 24s.

The action was not too far fetched. CTU feels a little more current that it did when the first few season of 24 were done. They make better use of drones and the wonderful CCTV system that watches everybody in the first world. One was also quick to note that Samsung and Ford strategically placed a few of their products in the show. Of course the two products placed are Samsung phones which never need recharging and Ford cars that never need fuel.

Overall I enjoyed the first two episodes of this new season. I am going to take a break from watching it and wait for all the episodes to become available THEN I will start watching it again. I also noted that they are telling the story in such a way that one does not have to have been a 24 fanboi to watch this latest release of CTU. It feels like a show for everybody (over the age of 16). I hope that this season doesn’t disappoint and that they extend it past a mini series and continue into a full fledged season or three of the new and improved CTU.

Westworld *SPOILER ALERT* (Maybe)

OK! So I watched the first episode of this show last night. It was an hour long episode which is what all first episodes of first seasons are supposed to be about. Anyway, there are some pretty cool actors like Thandie Newton, Anthony Hopkins and Ed Harris.

Now before I had watched the show I had avoided any hints about what the show is about. This is the second time in me trying to watch it. The first time I was too tired and it was late at night so I had a half dream half idea what the show was about. Upon watching it with my full concentration it now have an idea what the show is about.

I think for episode 1, I have to give it a 3/5. Personally for me (it may have been because as the episode was going down, I was trying to figure out what was going on, and as a result, I got kind lost in what was going down) it felt like there were too many characters running around and making their voices know. If they control the number of central characters, I think we will be in for a truly rocking time.

A lot of religious people ain’t gonna like this show if they do not watch it with an open mind. I think when watching this show we all have to remember that it is an expression of someone imagination. I am glad I eventually got around to watching the episode. I downloaded (illegally) it twice and both times it refused to work on the TV so I had to thug it out and watch it on my laptop. More episodes of the show are definitely required.

In conclusion, if you have watched Dollhouse, you will see some similarities, but not many. Westworld is on a completely different scale to Dollhouse.

Enjoy!!!!!