Divorce in The Zimbabwean Context

Marriage in Zimbabwe is a weird institution. I say that because here in Zimbabwe there are a lot of hang-ups regarding it. For all intents and purposes, most people speak about it being a union, but it gets treated almost as a right of passage. In 2017 (in Zimbabwe of course), some women are looked upon differently if they get to a certain age and are STILL not married, or if they have a child or children out of marriage. There are a few other examples but today that is not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about divorce in the Zimbabwean context.

Unfortunately, due to the make-up of the human person, divorce is something that may occur. By nature, males and females are very different and with that in mind, there are some people who are simply not a match. I can’t tell you what makes two people a match, but there are simply some people who are not and should not be married. They, however, decide to try anyway. Ultimately that is their choice. In the same way, if they decide to divorce it is also THEIR choice.

In Zimbabwe, however, there are certain schools of thought that are hard to agree with. I was talking with a colleague at work and having a debate about divorce a few weeks ago. I told her that I didn’t think that divorce was an awfully bad thing if it was done for the right reasons. She responded by telling me that if someone gets married in the church, in front of their friends and family it is their responsibility to see that marriage through till death. I asked her what one should do then if one of the partners is unfaithful and could put the other at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. She responded by saying that they would need to work it out.

I feel (as a married man) that one should try by all means to be in a happy marriage. If the marriage is now becoming a danger to your health (physical and mental), then one should do whatever is necessary to protect yourself within the means of the law. In this instance, I would say that divorce would be the best thing to do in order to protect yourself. However, that is just my opinion.

The people who suffer the most from divorce are not the parents. The parents are adults who decided to get married and then decided to try and make each other happy or decided to make each other miserable. The people who suffer the most from divorce are the children (if there are any). There are some things that I have noticed about divorce in Zimbabwe.

  1. Children do no choose for their parents to divorce: I say this because there always ends up being an argument about who should take care/keep the child. Surely it should be more about raising the child together. The parents do not need to be able to stand each other or even converse with each other, but when it comes to issues of THEIR child, they have to put all the petty differences aside and agree. They have to be the adults in this situation and make joint decisions. They both got divorced, they should BOTH raise the child. One should not have more rights than the other, and the other must not give up those rights because it’s easier.
  2. Children are not pawns. This is not chess, this is their life: It can’t be that Parent A holds all the cards (unless there are extenuating circumstances that result in the child being kept by Parent A and not Parent B eg drug abuse). This will do nothing but sow discontent between Parent A and Parent B. It will always be about getting one up on each other. The child should not also be used as a bargaining tool. One of my friends was telling me about how one of his cousin’s wife was demanding money for the upbringing of a child he never had access to. His dilemma was that whenever he met his wife’s demands (money for fuel, to get her hair done, holidays), he would then have access to his child. To me, this sounds like a bit of bribery. It is obvious that as a loving parent, he then was willing to meet the demands in order to see his child. This will never work, but the sad story is that in Zimbabwe this is actually happening.
  3. The death of privacy and decency because of the wrong use of social media: More than five people have told me that social media is going to be the end of a lot of relationships. I agree. The crazy stuff that you see online these days is shocking. Every day you are bound to find someone ranting about something completely inappropriate and private on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. There is no need for anyone to tell the world how much of a useless person Partner A was or is being with regards to the upbringing of a child. Honestly, the internets do not need to know about that. If you as a Parent A, feel that Parent B does not care about a child, telling the world is not going to make the situation better. Furthermore, telling one side of the story will not help anything either. That is not a cry for help, that is simply a cry out loud to let people know that your life was never going to be private. Somethings can never be unsaid. Be the bigger person. Talk about the weather, what’s on TV, politics, football, the colour of the sky. Keep the home issues at home. Not on the internets.
  4. Children have impressionable minds: Parent A or Parent B (whoever lives with the child) can paint whatever picture they what to of the other parent. This can result in certain things being said about one parent to the child. The child is likely to believe what they are being told if they are told enough and very soon they will believe that. Parents need to be careful.
  5. The over-involvement of extended family: In Zimbabwean black culture, the extended family plays a big role in marriages. They are involved in everything from the bride-price negotiations, to the wedding organisation and sometimes funding. Also culturally there is an idea that it is good for certain select members of the extended family can act as mediators in divorce to try help with certain negotiations. Emotional support should be given. Outright demands (financial and or otherwise) should not be made because they are the grandmother/grandfather/uncle/aunt. We are supposed to act as a support network, not as though we are as entitled as our sons/daughters/brothers/sisters/nephews child. We should be ready to stand up when necessary, not to stand up on behalf of. It unwittingly shows a desperation that does not look attractive to anyone if we try and stand up on behalf of.

What do you think? Let me know…

 

Advertisements

The Veil (2016) *SPOILER ALERT*

 

Gruesome-Banner-theveil-Review
The other people who also act with Jessica Alba

IMDB Movie Snippet: “Twenty-five years after members of a religious cult committed mass suicide, the lone survivor returns to the scene of the tragedy with a documentary crew in tow”

 

Starring: Jessica Alba and some other people.

Run time: 1hr 33min

So the synopsis that IMDB gives leaves you wondering what else the movie could be about. I am happy to say that on more than one occasion I let out a frightened yelp, I had sweaty palms and felt as though my blood ran cold while watching the movie. I also watched the movie in bed with headphones on, so that may have enhanced how frightening the movie ACTUALLY was. It had many of the prerequisites for a horror movie. Not for a good horror movie, but just for a horror movie. It had the eerie location, it had the mystery as to what was terrorizing people and it even had a good back story as to where the terrorists came from.

 

the-veil-4
The other OTHER people in the movie

 

In fact, the background of the story is supposed based on a true story about a cultist group of people who committed mass suicide on some ranch in America-Land (The Jonestown Massacre). This gave it a bit of realism to the story. Not like a Blair Witch Project kind of realism, but it’s own unique storyline that was pretty much believable.

Anyway everyone dies at the end of the movie which makes me feel a little better about the movie. There were some pretty average performances by the rest of the supporting cast. Jessica Alba’s performance borders on frighteningly annoying. Throughout the movie she continually makes bad decision, refusing all signs to leave her investigations alone and shows a complete lack of leadership. In fact it is her fault she got all her friends and some of her family killed. She is actually a really bad friend throughout the movie.

It is one of the first horror movies that I have watched in a VERY long time where they stick together for most of the movie without splitting up. For once they are all somewhat afraid/skeptical about splitting up. Eventually though, the poor planning brings an ultimate and somewhat unsatisfactory demise to all of the people who feature in the movie.

All in all the movie had the chance to be a pretty good movie. The length was adequate for the quality of the horror they tried to expressed and this makes it an easy to watch horror movie. Horror movies should not be “easy to watch”. In fact, this movie has the potential to be a very entertaining comedy as the poor decisions made by Jessica and her motley crew leave a great deal to be desired.

All in all if you want to watch a bunch of people going where they SHOULD NOT be going, making bad decision, ultimately meeting their demise in barely scarey kind of way, and also have an hour and thirty minutes of time to waste, then find another movie to watch. This one is not worth it. It’s not even worth watching it a second time, because I think the disappointment would be even worse.

 

Adult Colouring Books

 

20170529_185008
Cover page of the book

So this turned out to be a really good buy! I was wondering around a supermarket near my parent’s house in the capital city looking for something random to buy alongside the six pack of beers I had in my hand when I bumped into this bad boy. You can’t buy beer in the supermarket before midday without a cover story. This book of Mandalas was the perfect excuse to also buy a six pack of beer. FYI I moved from the capital city to a little town for a year or so. When the project that I was FINALLY over I was moved to an ever smaller little growth point known as Ngezi. My wife and I debated for some time with regards to moving to Harare. However, after a very short debate, we agreed to stay the hell away.

 

Anyway, I have digressed. I picked up this colouring book for a handsome price of USD$5. I paid a further USD$6 for pencil colours, a sharpener and an eraser. I never thought that I could find a hobby that is so relaxing. I am not a very artistic person, but I do know the kind of art that I can dig. The designs in the book are exciting to watch as you get colouring.

20170529_185138
My wife’s ink pen Mandala

 

20170529_185118
My ink pen mandala
20170529_185154
My wife’s pencil colour mandala
20170529_185224
My pencil colour mandala
20170529_185055
My colour crayon mandala

As you can see none of them are complete and they are all a work in progress. I will post some pics of the completed works of art. It has been a very interesting experience. Most of the time I find myself saying “it’s coming out wrong”. I then remind myself that it is art so it will come out the way that I imagine it. It has been helpful in aiding me to appreciate some of the things that are art and taking a little more effort to try and appreciate them.

For those who are living and working in stressful environments (Like MOST Zimbabweans in Zimbabwe), I would seriously suggest getting this book and letting off some steam.

Beer also helps.

Don’t Listen to the Haters

Very interesting little read

Eli DeFariaI remember when I was 24 — I was working at my big girl job, and I recall telling my co-worker that I had hopes of working in the entertainment industry. I foolishly shared my aspirations with her, and do you want to know what she said? She said, “Aren’t you too old to…

via Don’t Listen To The Haters Telling You ‘It’s Too Late’ To Live Your Dream — Thought Catalog

Little Dead Rotting Hood

little-dead-rotting-hood-fb

Run Time: 1hr 28min

Release Year: Straight to DVD Jan 2016

Cast: Bianca A Santos, Eric Balfour, Romeo Miller and Patrick Muldoon

Now it has been a while since I watched a good B-movie, and this one had all the hallmarks to be one of those B-movies that I would regret watching. The movie is based in some hick American town where everyone knows everyone, the sheriff is a cool young good looking guy with poor people skills, decision making and hates his wife. It follows a very badly told story of the descendant of a werewolf hunter (not the sheriff), who somehow gets attacked by a werewolf and kind of survives. She spends most of her movie not remembering why she keeps waking up bloody and in torn clothing, while at the same time being rather unenthusiastically searched for by her boyfriend (coz she goes missing).

 

Little-Dead-21
Mr. Sheriff guy with no people skills

 

So as I said, I thought I would regret watching the movie, but it was done so badly that it confused the shit out of me. The performance done by Patrick Muldoon brought the movie to life and made it extremely entertaining. His jokes were on point and he gave the movie a lease of life that made it entertaining. However, some of the incidents that then occur during the movie made my insides twist around (not because it was frightening or disgusting. But coz of how B they made the movie).

 

maxresdefault (1)
This was the main werewolf… 1985 Atari Graphics

 

The sheriff then proceeds to (against the advice of his deputy) to hunt the werewolves down themselves instead of engaging the state troopers to come handle this small issue they are having in their town.

This results in the deaths of MANY of the local townspeople. Most of all the death of the deputy. From the moment he dies the movies becomes rather difficult to watch as there is no one to tell jokes and make you laugh. As with most B-Movies, you can start to tell when the money for the movie started to run out. The explosions became more and more graphic (1985 Atari Graphic), they started repeating scenes to make it seem like there were lots of werewolves in the little town and they generally started running around the town with little to no direction.

All in all this movie is good for a few scenes, it should not be watched sober or alone. This sort of punishment should be shared and not experienced alone. I would suggest staying FAR away from this movie. Even Google said that it was a straight to DVD movie. That should say SOMETHING!

P.S. Before taking movies from work colleagues computers, ask google what the movie is about to avoid massive disappointment

Eliminators (2016) *SPOILERS WON’T SPOIL THIS MOVIE*

 

H15033-A01-BLU-RAY O-SLEEVE
If I had seen the poster before I watched the movie, I wouldn’t have bothered. Also, the movie was produced by WWE…. 

So after 94 minutes of straining to follow this movie, I managed to conclude that I could have better spent the 94 minutes doing something else…. like sleeping.

I have to admit that the movie started off with a bit of a bang. It seems a little bit interesting. It follows an American living in London with his daughter. He works as a security guard during the day and moonlights as a single father at night. However, his world is turned upside down when three individuals break into his house and try and rob him of drugs (shock horror cocaine), only for them to realize that they have got the wrong address. After they threaten to kills his daughter (after they beat him into unconsciousness with baseball bats and he wakes up), he decides to go bad ass and kill all three of the robbers.

If the movie was to end at this point, it would have been a brilliant start and end to a movie. There would have been enough mystery around who this main actor dude was, why his wife was dead, and it also showed that he was a bad ass and loved his daughter so much that he was willing to murder some dudes in self-defense.

Unfortunately, the guys who wrote this movie decided to carry on with the movie. They then made up some feeble story about him being some agent for some unnamed secret agency in ‘Murica, how his wife was killed because of the job, and how much he loved his daughter (even though he kills her grandfather at the end of the movie).

What then ensues in between the rather bland story telling, is a lot of chase scenes (It seems like they ran across most of London), semi-exciting fight scenes that had a lot of slow motion wrestling moves and more drop kicks than one would see in The Royal Rumble 2017.

I would strongly suggest that if you have nothing to watch, don’t watch this movie. Take your chances with watching paint dry. That would be more engaging than watching these guys running around and getting paid to act as though they are distressed.

The movie was so distressing that I am struggling to find many more words to describe the feeling that I went through, lying in bed and concentrating on the occurance of the actors in this movie. It didn’t even have a happy ending when it could have had one. They actually killed the only possibility of giving it a happy ending. They also ensured that there would be no room for a sequel (Thank God!) but tying up all the loose ends.. all one of them.

Watch at your displeasure!

 

 

The Girlfriend Experience *SPOILER ALERT*

maxresdefault

Well, I got home from a short week at work and happened upon my wife watching this TV show. I am finding it quite hard to properly express how it made me feel but I am going to give it a go.

Basically, the show is about a female law student who is doing an internship at some law firm and she is a prostitute or high-class call girl (I don’t see the difference between the two….). The story follows how she fantastically fails to balance these two careers.

So I only managed to catch the second half of the first season (and I am pretty much glad I didn’t watch the first half of the season. The main characters fall from grace is inevitable as I feel like the writers wrote themselves into a nice little corner, but I will get into that later). By the time I started she had been left $500,000 by a now dead client (not from her job as an intern, but from her prostituting), she had a stalker (possibly from her prostituting), she was being blackmailed (to give up the $500k she was left from her prostituting or she would be exposed as being a prostitute) and she had slept with one of her bosses.

It was at this point that I felt that the show really lost the plot. They tried to make her job as an intern interesting and add some dynamics to her life – a “friend” from the office, a cool boss (not the one she slept with, another one), and some really beautiful interior designing for her apartment and also her office space that distracted from the many things the show was lacking.

She eventually gets fired from her work when she is exposed as a prostitute. She, in the process, takes down the boss who she slept with. It was at this point where they should have brought the show to an end. The writers (in my expert opinion as someone who has NEVER written a TV show in my LIFE) reduced the number of story arcs that could be explored by firing her from her job as an intern.

The reason why I am of this opinion is that once she lost her job as an intern, the only thing they could write about is her having sex for money. They had the potential to push a few story arcs, but one of the guys turns into someone she has internet sex with a few times, and the other guy is too wasted for there to be a viable story to write about him.

The show has one recognizable face (or one face I recognized), which is Chloe O’Brian from 24. She is floating around in the show. The rest of the cast felt as forgettable as the story they were trying to do.

erin

Unfortunately, the show felt as though it was a vague challenge to Suits (which I thought was also absolutely ridiculous… and I only managed to watch the first season then I had to stop…). This to me felt like they wanted to portray the main lady as a strong, independent and decisive woman. Instead I found that she struggled making decisions, she wanted to bake her cake, watch it rise in the oven, take it out, smell it, eat it and sell it all at the same time; furthermore she could not be trusted (there are a few times that it feels like she’s trying REALLY hard to manipulate people by recording conversation. NOT. COOL).

All in all, it was a great bit of background TV. I hope that they DO NOT do another season of the show. Even if they do, it’s not like I would watch it. I would much rather spend my time looking for comics to download and read… or sleep.

Final Verdict: There are more interesting was to spend 24 minutes (that’s the length of an episode)