When The FaceToilet Trumpet is being Blown

I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but I decided that it had to be done. I have done my best to hide everyone else’s identities except for mine, coz if you are reading this blog then you have a semi idea who I am on the BookFace.

Anyway this is a conversation that I had on the BookFace. A friend from school had initially commented on the recent removal of the Rhodes Statue from the University of Cape Town. Now to start off with I don’t think taking his statue down is going to make a world of difference. I don’t particularly care as it doesn’t affect me at all. Yeah he was the dude who came and colonized Southern Africa. Cool. Taking his statue down isn’t going to undo what he did and what he achieved and all the black people who died etc. Sure it will help take the memory of of him slowly disappear but this is after the fact.

As I said, not really concerned.

Here is some of the conversation:

At this point my response to the issue of the statue is "Not my country, not my problem"
At this point my response to the issue of the statue is “Not my country, not my problem”
At this point LY has come in with an angle I couldn't understand....
At this point LY has come in with an angle I couldn’t understand….
I decided to clarify what I meant by "Not my country, not my problem."
I decided to clarify what I meant by “Not my country, not my problem.”

My biggest problem with my brief conversation with LY is that she jumped directly into a nice catch up I was having with a school mate. We were talking about mortgages and kids (I have neither at the moment) and all of a sudden it was a bout the xenophobic attacks that are happening in South Africa, to Hitler who is long dead. OK so hang on. The original post was about the Rhodes statue being taken down (which doesn’t make a difference in my life at all. Yeah it’s a bit of history that has been removed, but it doesn’t make a difference to me), how have we gone all the way to xenophobic attacks and Hilter?

You see I hate it when some people decide that they want to blow their trumpet and act like they care about certain things. Stay in your lane please. If you care about how fucked up the world is then do something about it. It’s not that I am a heartless fucker. No I know the world is fucked up. But I do realise that I have to fix one sphere at a time. I can’t be worrying about a statue being taken down in another country when the country I am in has bigger problems than the removal of a statue being news worthy. I felt like telling LY to come and live in this current Zimbabwe for a month and then tell me that she is still worried about a statue being taken down.

Sure BookFace is a great social media tool for people to express how they feel. Got it. Don’t become a trumpet that just blows and blows and blows. Sometimes you gotta listen before you start talking. There are internet trolls out there who will troll the shit outta you. I won’t say I am one, but I don’t sit back and take certain shit lightly.

I have to say LY didn’t respond after my last post. That made me smile hahaha.

Here is another example of her ramblings that were directed to someone else. Happy Monday and have a good week good (and bad) people!!!

As you can see TH deftly stepped aside from LY's initial post
As you can see TH deftly stepped aside from LY’s initial post
And LT continues
And LY continues
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Be who you are. Not who you want people to think you are

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I remember when I was much younger you would get social acceptance from what you had. Be it the latest shoes, watch or enough money to go and eat and drink at certain places. Sometimes I would find myself subconsciously thinking “I wish I had that…”. To be honest, there was an element of jealousy to it when I was a teenager (I miss those days. Being old sucks [said the 29 year old]). At that time I didn’t realise the fact that everyone is at different stages. There really is no fascination about what someone has. So what to be honest.

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There are some traits that I hate in the human race. The one I hate the most is blatant arrogance. I am not going to talk about why I hate it as this is not the subject matter. The other trait that I hate is one that I was reminded about a few days by someone who I used to consider to be my friend. That is the show off. At my humble young age of 29, telling people in a bar very loudly about what I have and what I have achieved is something that is not done. Who am I trying to impress? Gone are the days that rattling on about what countries you had been to or what you did gives you any greater social standing (as far as I am concerned). In fact as far as I am concerned it shows a very one dimensional aspect to a person.

Why do people brag? Why do they embellish stories? Ultimately we are a silly species. Sometimes we do things because it makes us feel better that we are above other people. It a bit late in life for that now. We all have various things that we have done or are doing that have gotten us to where we are. My bank balance doesn’t make me who I am. I would like to hope that all the experiences I have had in life with my family and friends make me who I am.

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The thing is about the show off, he or she is generally not that bright. They may be smart, but they are not bright. The problem is they spend so much time trying to make people say “Wow!!! he’s amazing/hard worker/big spender/achiever”, that they end up tripping over their own feet in the hope of trying to make themselves sound to be amazing/hard worker/big spender/achiever. They will probably never be able to stop themselves because as they go on with these exaggerated and sometimes untrue stories, they probably start to believe their own delusions of grandeur.

Now before you shout at me for being so hard on “the show off”, there are two kinds. There is the one who generally has access to buying and doing amazing things, and talks about those things. That show off is a little more bearable. Ultimately all I can say is “keep doing what you are doing.”. The other kind of show off is the one who says things that don’t make logical and mathematical sense. Now this is the show off that I can’t stand. This particular person who I am referring to is the second kind.

In my expert medical opinion (I have been practicing and qualified for all of 0 years), this is a trait that is as a result of the inability to actually fit in to social situations. Now I think it is something that is very acceptable as a teenager. I see teenager walking around in groups and I always sit there and scratch my head wondering what they talk to each about. Hell, I can’t remember what we  used to talk about when I was a teenager.

As an adult, it is a little more than “I just bought a car worth more than $30,000. It’s outside. I did it all by myself with my hard work. Can you imagine? It was paid for one time, from my produce. My produce. That’s how successful I am at the moment.”. My response in my head is “So what? What is the point of sharing? Why are you sharing? Because I haven’t bought a car like that now, does that mean that I am a failure?”. I stopped and realized that it wasn’t me with the problem. I was fine actually. I am healthy, I am happy. Why would he be making it a point to obnoxiously share his success?

Ultimately you can’t spend your life trying to impress other people by telling stories that don’t have 100% truth. You are better off shutting up and sitting down. Life is not a sprint, neither is it a race. It is, a very long journey. Some will get to the end of their race sooner than other. However we will all know when you get to the end of your race.

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It’s absurd to divide people into good and bad. They are either charming or tedious – Oscar Wilde

 

Just do it

Hellllloooo friends. Sorry for the hiatus. There has been a lot that’s happened since I last posted. I wanna start by apologising in advance as I am typing this on my phone. A an individual full of guile was kind enough to break into my car and take with him my laptop and a few other trinkets that I had a very soft spot for.

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This is the vandalism inflicted

As a result I have no work laptop at the moment and had to fork out for a new alarm.

I also went to Kariba for the first time in my life. The place is hot as Hades. I didn’t go for pleasure unfortunately. It was a work thing and only managed one day and one night there. I must say it is a pretty nice place (except for the heat).

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A sight for sore eyes
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Taken at 7pm
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View from the breakfast table

This would have all been very romantic if I had gone with my girlfriend. Instead I was working and with my boss.

Incidentally I wanna give out a quick shout out to her as she just got space for her shop!

Right now that’s all out of the way, during my drive to Kariba with my boss, we were having a conversation about the state of affairs in the country. As many of us know, there are a lot of parastatals that are paying their top employees but not performing. This is where I realised that there is an option. One that will give us citizens some of the services we expect and one that will also make the government money. Privatisation. Just do it!

Now it doesn’t have to be all of them. It is important for the government to make money, but some of these parastatals should be privatised. Given up to individuals and then run like actual businesses. Now there are some that the government can’t let go off. Water and electricity spring to mind immediately. We can’t have some rich megalomaniac akin to “Sir” Wicknell demanding people bow down to him or no one will have access to electricity or water. That would be absurd.

But why not let the railways be run as a business, the GMB be run as a business? With real business minded people running them (and the government regulating) surely they would be turned around and almost normal service would resume?

Food for thought…

Neknomination

There are some really weird online “games” that I have heard of in my thus short internets experience. Most of them involve crazy things like the colour of your underwear and the name of the first who made you throw up in your mouth. These have all been somewhat benign. They have never lasted very long. Then again these are the internets. The only thing that lasts on the internets are the internets themselves. Everything has a life line, they are some interneters who have already started to predict the fall of the BookFace.

This was his response to John Travolta when he tried
This was his response to John Travolta when he tried

However this neknominations are a little interesting. For those of you who are not award what it is, according to Wikipedia (The only website left on the internets with true and accurate that can be edited by anyone) a neknomination is ” is an online drinking game. The original parameters of the game required the participant, or neknominee, to film themselves drinking a pint of an alcoholic beverage, usually beer, in one gulp and upload the footage to the web. The participant then nominates two others to to do the same. The nominated person has to complete the task within 24 hours. As the game spread it escalated with nominees performing the challenge in more extreme circumstances by drinking more potent beverages or engaging in dangerous activities either during or immediately after consuming their beverage. This ultimately resulted in two confirmed deaths of participants.”

Sounds simple enough. Sure. It was quite interesting because people got pretty creative about downing a beer or you know a bottle of rose. They had all sorts of music, scenery, there were also the charitable neknominations where people did something nice for someone less fortunate.

Watch Robin getting slapped is always a good thing
Watch Robin getting slapped is always a good thing

In general I have a few things to say about these neknominations:

  1. Where did this phenomenon start? What made a bunch of rather bored adults decide to down a drink, record it and nominate someone they knew? My suspicion is that there was someone who wanted to have a drink with a friend who was on the other side of the world, and then make it more interesting by making it a competition to make a cool video, record it and put it on the BookFace coz sharing a drink via Skype isn’t as cool anymore.
  2. Because we are so easily excited by the bells tied to a cows neck, it was only inevitable that someone would have decided that his video had to be the most amazing and remarkably dangerous that unfortunately some people died. It was supposed to be fun, not result in the death of people. The moment that people died, it became stupid. Unfortunately, that is the way that us humans are.

    One of the more colourful neknominations
    One of the more colourful neknominations
  3. The people who did something charitable simply stated that they were not going to down a drink, but were going to do something nice for someone less fortunate. As I said earlier, the life span of most fads on the internets isn’t very long. This could have had some traction if the 24hr challenge was to do something similarly charitable or more. Of course I am a HUGE sceptic as to why some people do things especially on the internets. Some do it to be seen doing it, while others do it because that is what they are like.
This was one of the guys in SA who did something nice by giving a sandwich and a drink...
This was one of the guys in SA who did something nice by giving a sandwich and a drink…

In some finality, I am sad that no one consider me for a neknomination. In my old age I don’t think I would be able to down a beer to be honest. The thought of trying would have been fun. Unfortunately I don’t have the creativeness to have made the video interesting at all. I hope that one day, the drinkers of the human race realise there are better ways of drinking your booze. You don’t HAVE to down it. You can play the flappy bird drinking game instead…

No retreat, no surrender

Musical Ambitions

So this is the first of many music reviews/butchering that I am going to attempt. I have to start by warning all pet lovers and tree huggers that in the making of this blog, animals were tested upon in order to give me empirical test results. A few of the small cute fluffy animals used in order to compile this blog died….

So today I am going to give a very personal opinion of Kanye West’s more recent album Yeezus.

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As you can see from the album cover… I am not sure what you are supposed to see

So before I start I have to warn you that I loathe Kanye. I think that he has gone beyond all sanity and now sits in a rarefied atmosphere of so much BS that not even an alien invasion on proportions larger than those seen in Independence Day can bring him down. In fact he would probably think the aliens have come to kidnap him so that he could make their (cleverer and more advance species who have travelled MILLIONS of light years) lives more inspired.

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Before picture of test subject Alpha before listening to Yeezus

So I have no idea what the album name refers to. I didn’t even want to do a google search about it (If you do know what the name is about, comment so I can be more knowledgeable about such things). Google tells me the album has ten songs. The reason why I say google tells me, is when I first got the album (through illicit means obviously…. a few drug deals, some bone marrow transplanting etc), I listen to it. I didn’t add it to my itunes like I do with most other music. But I listened to it. I then waited for a week, and tried again. I waited for three weeks more and tried to listen to it again. The reason why the operative word in all of this is TRIED is because I only managed to listen to the whole album once. That was the first time.

Beta before the test. He was such a happy puppy

I felt like my ears were bleeding by the time I listened to it the second time. The beats didn’t make sense and sounded like noise. Kanye can be forgiven for his raps because it’s not like (as far as I am concerned) he is know for having lyrical content. He spends most of the album talking about things I didn’t and maybe never will understand.

I am no music guru but it felt like he either tried to hard on the beats for most of the songs. As a result some songs sound sound similar to what you would imagine the death star would make before blowing up a planet, and then putting it on a loop and then “rapping” to it. Then there were other songs that sound like he didn’t try at all, and that the song would be cool because there is random screaming in the background.

It felt like he made the album just because he had the money, and that the album was going to sell because suckers would buy the album hoping it would be great. Instead it was a pile of poo… similar to the rarefied atmosphere that he lives in.

If I was to give it a score out of 100, I would give it a mighty 10. The reason I would give it a 10 is because he managed to annoy me. I actually remember TRYING to listen to this album. More than once…. and getting more and more annoyed.

Anyway what do you think? Am I talking nonsense? Let me know. See below what his album did to the fluffy animals I tested the album on….

Test Subject Beta ultimately lost his mind and killed his family the Test Subject Alpha
He mutated into a drug fiend dog, and after a long time of using, Subject Beta came to his end/help/demise

Next on the menu will be Jay-Z

What do you respect?

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This is starting to seem like a regular, but it seems that whenever I go to the bar I get ideas of things to blog about. Some of us are relatively new at this so don’t REALLY know what we are doing. I figured this would be my place to talk about B movies, regale shocking stories of weekend past and the like. Instead I have found that rather than have verbal spew coming from my mouth, I am actually having to think and pick a side.

So last night I was with the colourful characters of the Muppet’s corner. Those who were present on this auspicious day happened to be Munya “Diamond Boy”, Chris and a late comer in Thembaz. I am not sure how the conversation started but we started talking about if there was a difference between power and control, were they mutually exclusive, and if having one automatically meant having the other.

I found this very interesting because we ended up not coming to a conclusion but there were a lot of things that we ended up touching on. They say that Obama is the most powerful person in the world. However what power are they referring to? The power to nuke another nation? The power to convince other leaders to follow him into war? Having just thought about these few rhetorical questions, it makes me then ask: if he has the above power, does that mean he has control? Or does he use the power in order to control other people? This is where the conversation got interesting. I think that depending on the circumstances, power and control are separate. It brings in the issue of the gun lobby in ‘murica. My understanding (rightly or wrongly, and also from reading too many books) is that the gun lobby has a LOT of power in ‘murica. They are essentially the ones who steer policy and laws on guns in most states, and they also have a big hand in who becomes president. This is mainly due to the vast sums of money at their disposal. They can fund a candidate’s campaign, get him/her into office (not necessarily Presidential Office, but office) and thus make sure that that candidate carries out their political suggestions with regards to guns and gun control. Now as I said I am not going to say that I am a currently expert on this, but this has been from reading that I did a few years ago.

The CEO of a company (let’s say, for this argument, he is not a major shareholder as well) has a lot of power but in some instances no control. He is answerable to the shareholders who are the ones in control. There are also things that are in place to control HIM i.e. there could be a length to his tenure as CEO, e.g. every year the board has to vote him in or out.

I think that if you have power you have some sort of control. Take a musician for example. They have the power of their words, and therefore control of their groupies. There are those people who have control and a lot of power. The “random” guys who you see out with the super celebrities. They MUST have some sort of control to be seen with people who some consider to have power, but at the same time to remain anonymous.

I have never been able to figure out the difference between the two of them myself. They seem the same but different (If there is a word for that please post it as a comment!!). To be honest I think that both power and control frighten me somewhat. You can never know when you have had enough of either. Or both…

It’s late for some of us…

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How I sometimes feel like when I’m talking to some people

There is a phrase that we use in Zimbabwe. We say “It’s late for you, him, her, the gwan, the team, the bar”. Basically it can be late for anything. Even an ant. When it’s used, it has various definitions. It depends on the context of use. So for example if a guy is say courting a girl, and some spectators say “ah its late for the dude”, it most likely means that from observing there is no way the guy is going to successfully court the girl. However if the reverse is said, “its late for her”, it means that he has hit her with a line that NO ONE has heard of. Or he has (I am positive this is the most appropriate place for this word) swag (shoot me later. I’m trying to stay relevant).  Another example is if there is a bar fight and you say that its late for one of the participants engaging in this show of pure animalistic behaviour, he’s the one probably getting the beating of his life.

This now brings me to Saturday night. I was sitting at home with a few friends and family (there were no more than 6 people there at any given time), when my good friend Lloyd and I realised that we were behind the curve. Not ahead of it, quite beyond. Its late for us. We are not being beaten to death by a drunken baboon jacked up on testosterone and rum and coke (See post on Tin Roof yet to be released), we are not part of the losing side, we have successfully courted our madams, so its not that either. What Lloyd was referring to was relevance.

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We, in the slow process of ageing do not have much relevance. It all started when a song came on. I think it was Bugatti (Ace Hood, Two Chains, plus a whole bunch of other guys I have never heard of including this Two Chains and Ace Hood guy who are apparently part of this group of rappers called YMCMB which stands for Young Money Cash Money Billionaires (Thank you Bibi telling me without me having to ask Google).) where some guy sings about waking up in a new Bugatti. Heavy tune. Not sure what they are rapping about for most of the song. But anyway, as me and Lloyd sat there listening to “TWO CHAINS! FOUR BRACELETS!!!!!!!!!!” (You have to hear him shouting it out to understand. If you listen to this you will hear him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI0gk2KJeho) we came to a simple, honest conclusion. We are no longer relevant. Sure we may be part of a small generation that saw technology move from dial up internets, to fibre optic cables being laid in our neighbourhoods, from polyphonic right tones and phones with buttons, to mp3s for ring tones and phones with 4 buttons and 5 inch screens.

But you know what we DEFINITELY, TOTALLY missed out on? Pop culture. I spit whenever I have to utter those two words together. Popular culture. Urgh. So this Ace Hood guy, Two Chains… like where did they come from? Where exactly did ‘murica find these guys? So now there are all these “relevant” people in their mid-20s, listening to Ace Hood, Two Chains and Lil’ Wayne (isn’t he supposed to have graduated to just Wayne by now? I thought all the rappers who have Lil’ are supposed to graduate. Bow Wow did it… I know Lil’ John plans on being Lil’ for ever though.), they know all of their songs, the dances, the lines that are cool.

If I am to go have a beer with Lloyd at O’Hagans (HIGHLY UNLIKELY AS I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO DROWNING CATS THAN GO TO O’HAGANS OUT OF MY OWN CHOICE), and bump into some of these more trendy mid-20s guys and so happen to have a conversation about, say sport, we would be fine. Unfortunately due to our extreme irrelevance there is nothing more we can speak to them about. We can’t speak about music coz we have not kept up, we can’t speak to them about politics because most of them haven’t formed a political position. Life is still too much about having fun for them so we can’t talk to them about work. We can’t brag about what we did on the weekend, coz we were probably at home watching TV, or at the sports club lying to each other. However if we talk about PS3 for example, we become relevant… and old at the same time.

My message to all you people out there searching hard for relevance: Look to youtube, type in the names of these artists, learn their songs, learn their dances. I am afraid that there may be a dark future where irrelevant individuals are rounded up and disposed of, bodies to be used to keep the popular culture machine running. So I urge all those feeling irrelevant, let us assimilate, join this rather strange march forward into the world of words like swag and yolo. Only use them when you feel threatened. We WILL SURVIVE!!!

He to whom the present is the only thing that is present, knows nothing of the age in which he lives. – Oscar Wild