The Movie Critic is Born

I would like to start by warning you that this has spoilers.. a lot of spoilers. Spoilers that will not only brief you about the plot of the movie, rendering it pointless to watch, but those who watched it and enjoyed it might want to reconsider reading any further.

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Staring Brad Pitt and other people who’s names don’t matter

The Cast

As you can see from the poster than I hastily downloaded off the internets, this movie stars Brad Pitt. No one else in this movie is relevant. A quick search on IMDB reveals that the movie is 1hr 56min long, which I have to say is a comfortable length. Its not excruciatingly long, and neither is it “we thought we had enough money to film the whole film but, you know we don’t have that much money really… sorry” short. It’s manageable.

Another search on IMDB reveals that the other central figures in this movie are his wife, real name Mireille Enos (Who has appeared in The Killing (I have never heard of this movie), Gangster Squad (again….) and Animal Attraction (Sounds like a porn movie but isn’t).

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Pitt’s wife’s face is like this for like 80% of the movie

The Director

His name is Marc Forster. IMDB tells me that he moved to Davos, Switzerland, with his German parents. I can also inform you that to date he has directed movies such as Machine Gun Preacher (sounds like a B movie I would watch), Quantum of Solace (which I thought was a pile of slightly dry horse shit), Kite Runner (read the book and did not watch the movie), Finding Neverland and Monsters Ball to name a few. He is a complete unknown to me.

The Plot

If I don’t make sense it’s because the movie didn’t make sense to me. I am also by the way a person who enjoys zombie movies. With that in mind the action this movie started off with had me sitting up. The opening 15-20min lay out the story is just random. There are a few explosions, a few UNBELIEVABLE car accidents. Then all of a sudden Pitt is working again. Some sort of virus turns people into violent, screaming, quick moving “zombies” (I put that in inverted commas because they never confirm or deny that that’s what they are calling them. Also apart from their thirst for human flesh, they look more like someone who spent 5min too longer under one of those sun bed tanning things).

Anyway Pitt plays the role of some dude who used to work for the U.N and has been to “Some very dangerous places around the world”, which is something they keep mentioning throughout the movie. But most of the time he is surrounded by a some American marines or Israeli army who are armed to the teeth. We never really see him being bad ass. Even at the end of the movie when he works out how to get past the “zombie”, he still doesn’t seem badass. In fact the most badass person in the movie is this Israeli army chick. Yes Pitt Saves her, but she’s hardcore. loses a hand, but keeps on going. She’s the one with the beret below.

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Regardless of the fact that he has been in some dangerous places around the world, he still has a corp protecting him…

They travel from America to Israel to Wales in pretty quick succession as they follow the virus. Pitt goes from being some guy who has been to dangerous places to suddenly working out how to mask yourself from the zombies. He works this out faster than the best virologists the movie has to offer. However that’s understandable. His name is the only one on the poster for a reason.

Conclusion

If you are a true zombie movie fan, don’t bother. If you like action movies that are light on a story line, the go for it. If you like thrillers that have a story that quickly fizzles out into an adventure movie, with “zombies” that move at a frenetic speed but close up look like someone who has taken waaaay too much magic mushrooms, then go for it.

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On a scale of 1 to 10 of scariness of zombie looks, I put this in the low to mid 0…

Oh, Pitt and one other person are the only two survivors of a plan crash… he throws a grenade at some zombies. They are the only two who survive. THAT’S why he was needed to solve this “zombie” apocalypse.

Watch if you don’t really have anything else to do. I can tell you I deleted it after I watched it… so did Chris…

Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes – Oscar Wilde

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The LA Complex

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So I kinda promised that I would avoid doing movie/tv show reviews. But this one was too good to pass up. I am going to try not to talk too much about the show itself, but I will give prompts as to why I kinda enjoyed this show.

 

So it was the saturday night after my sister in law/big wife/maiguru’s bridal shower. I returned after a day away from the house as it was full of women and they were doing whatever women do during a bridal shower. There was no beer for me to drink but I managed to get my hands on a bottle of gin and some tonic. (See below the damage done)

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As I sat there slowly slipping into a semi depressed state with nothing to watch on TV, gin slowly running out, no impetus to play PS3, I started going through the normal routine of channel surfing in the hope that I would find something that would hide the slowly setting depression (alcohol was finishing, ciggies finished, no other company other than DSTV). I happened across one of the funny MTV channels that DSTV have (*sidebar: its funny how MTV does more TV shows than actual music. I thought it was a music channel…. Music Television? Isn’t that what it stands for??) and there was a show called The LA Complex. When I hit ‘i’ it said reality show in the synopsis. 

So I sat there and watched a little to see what nonsense it was. This is a clear sign of the depths of my boredom that I decided I would watch a random reality TV show. Turns out it was far from a reality TV show, but actually a show with a bit of substance. The characters are decent, there are none so far that annoy me (LIKE OLIVIA POPE!!!!), the story so far has potential, there are some crazy ass characters, manipulators, failures and the odd ball randoms and its kinda funny too. 

It reminded me of two other shows that I got from watching MTV (The Hard Times of RJ Berger and Awkward) which I was really surprised by. They were really good, but in the case of Awkward and RJ Berger, became a little predictable (The are both about the woes of being in an American high school. They should do one about the shit we go through here in Zim). The L.A. Complex though has me intrigued (MORE THAN SCANDAL HAD ME!!!!)

 

In conclusion (coz its almost lunch time and I’m having a bit of this today:

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There is no meat today, but still… train of thought gone. Give The LA Complex a go. Episodes are 44min long. If you don’t like it by the 3 episode then you are an alien.

 

Illusion is the first of all pleasures – Oscar Wilde