The Solution

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This is something that I have had a bit of time (like an hour at work today) to think about and these are some of the suggestions I thought could be made to the people in power as to help them deal with the phenomenon of cults. I will start by giving the (urban) dictionary definition of cult. The (urban) dictionary describes it as:

1. A religious organisation that exercises excessive control over its members

2. A “religion” usually started by some old guy as an excuse to bang teenage runaway girls he gets to join his “alternative-religion”. All rituals somehow involve worship of said old guy’s penis

3. A group, often times though not always religious or spiritual in nature, that is led by a single or small group of leaders. Members are often recruited or by some means persuaded to join, rarely if ever knowing how destructive and harmful a cult can be – rarely knowing that it IS a cult. Though they usually come off as being generous, caring and in the best interests of their members, cults are inherently based on furthering the desires of the cult leaders

Cult leaders commonly use thought reform or “brainwashing”, in conjunction with other methods, to slowly and deliberately reel in more control of said members. In many cases, members may eventually forsake their friends and family (non members are viewed as “wrong” or “bad”) and give up their careers, homes and/or money to the leader.

Note: Not all cults are harmful in nature. Many are benign i.e. Trekkies

I could stop my blog right here after the third definition. This dude covers almost all the bases. It is scary when you think about some of the stuff that is being said could refer to a lot of people we know, and sometimes to ourselves.

However I have a solution to this situation that has arisen from the rise of all these new age religions/cults/weird people doing weird shit and getting away with it. It is legalised. Legalise cults. Yes. Make it legal to have your harem of wives, and have people buying your miracle bricks for a dollar each that will eventually build you a house (a brick in this country is USD$0.15). Thats fine. If you congregation is dumb and full of money and you are ripping them off, go for it.

However I would like to pass a motion that ensures we don’t have crazy cults roaming the streets of Harare passing out flyers written “Get married now! Lot’s of young virgins at the Mapostori Sowe, Mt. Pleasant district!! Get one, get another one also for free!”. No, that can’t be allowed. Instead why not set up a perfectly independent quasi governmental organisation that has to vet these guys.

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The leaders have to come for interviews, they have to produce a charter explaining their aims and objectives, the risks they might face, how they intend on recruiting people to their church, and if they are going to require donations from the congregation. Of course it will be a requirement that all rituals that will be done are explained in full. Including how they are carried out. This will allow the organisation to either green light the cult or tell them to quell it and to lay off the drugs.

Every year the cults will be required to register with the Registrar of Cultism, highlighting the number of new members they have and their age ranges. Ideally this quasi governmental organisation’s main role will be like that of censorship boards. To ensure that poor naive people aren’t sucked into a world they were not expecting. One day you are a naive little teenager going to the cinema, a week later you are watching as a house full of people believe that their leader is taking them to a better place by ingesting some poison of some sort, that will kill them.

I mean just look at all the nonsense Ron Hubbard cause with that Scientology nonsense. If there was an opportunity for a censorship board like the one I mentioned had a chance to hear him, they would not have let them out of the meeting. Aliens? Ok I mean really….

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I just need a name for the quasi governmental organisation now…..

Global Warming Does not Exist (My Theorem)

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I have decided after a long debate with myself that I don’t get enough comments from all the lovely people who read my blog. At least I hope they read it, and not click on the link and read the heading and then close it. It makes me feel good to see that my blog is getting to all sorts of interesting places. So thank you for taking the time out of your sometimes more interesting days to read the ramblings of a (as described by my girlfriend and best friend) weird guy.

Well today I thought I would be controversial and bring up a topic that I have had a few arguments with people about, with the hope that I will get your participation. If I don’t, well that’s neither here nor there (I think that phrase is ludicrously oxymoronic).

We have been told that global warming exists. The damage that it has done to the ozone layer, and as a result the changes that it has caused in terms of weather pattern changing, winters becoming colder and summers becoming hotter. But does it actually exist? I have my own theories that I want to share with you.

  1. Global Warming is natural

I sometimes think that this phenomenon called global warming is perfectly natural. Unfortunately, our nature of human beings and the activities that we engage in have actually sped up the process. Its hard to imagine that with the way that we divide and conquer, fight for resources, spool up war machines that use huge quantities of resources, build “super cars” that use more fuel starting the engine that my little corolla does in 25km, that this wasn’t bound to happen.

This planet has been through many weather cycles. There have been ice ages that have come and gone, and there were no humans cutting down trees and using coal and wood to help this situation arise. As such i move to say that global warming is natural. We may have sped it up, but it was always there. The fact is, global warming itself is in essence a theory that could have been stitched together by a bunch of scientists who had been testing out a new strain of PCP that they had just developed. I’m not saying it’s farfetched, but there are some parts of science that can be made up enough to confuse the non scientific.

  1. The Western World doesn’t Want the Rest to Catch Up

Lets just say that the West was now realising that their position of power was in danger because emerging markets and third world countries could possible catch up and overtake the advancements made by western countries. Could it not be inconceivable that they could make up a hocus-bogus story about global warming, in the hope that they would slow down the advancements of emerging and third world countries. Now stay with me here (as its just my own farfetched theory) as it gets interesting. The Kyoto Treaty about reducing emissions was something that a lot of countries signed. Without going into the specifics about what else the treaty stated, on country that did NOT sign it was ‘Murica. Why though? Why should the rest of the world slow down their production of goods, trying to control their emissions, but the capitol of the world doesn’t take part in the initiative?

The West is more advanced that emerging and third world countries, but I have never heard of them sharing solar power advancements with other poorer countries, or investing in green technology in those countries. If there have been occasions please show me and I will eat my shoe (it will be a sandwich shaped like a shoe). It begs a specific question. The answer I have, is that it is a control issue.

  1. Doomsday Sayers Control Mechanism

Well this has to be a possibility. All the while, while we are changing our behaviour to green cars, to solar power, to rainwater harvesting, to switching off switches and ensuring that we are not using power unnecessarily, to buying more efficient fridges, and TV that use less power because of some far out new technology that adjust the brightness of the screen depending on how much your head is tilted, there is this little band of evil men who are raking in millions of dollars selling unnecessary items that work the same, simply because they convinced you that it works.

As I said these are some random theories I have. I hope you share some of yours. Its ok if you don’t agree with me. I don’t agree with me sometimes. I do think we have to be more careful with this world we have been given. We aren’t gonna get another one. If we do get another one, there is no doubt that we will prolly mess it up worse than this one.

The Purge (If you think this doesn’t contain spoiler, keep reading to be disappointed)

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It’s funny that it seems that writing movie reviews is much easier than the random rantings that I used to post. I guess its easier coz I can talk a whole bunch of nonsense or praise about a movie that I will have watched.

So this particular movie I watched sometime last year. Of course the sheer horror of what I watched has haunted me since I watched the movie that it is basically burnt into the top of my hands… and my palms so everytime I look at my hands I get reminded of the absolute waste of an hour and thirty five minutes of my life I am never going to get back. I could have spent it feeding ducks and I would have had more satisfaction than this rather short collection of scenes involving murders, conversations, and mock fear.

So this movie stars Ethan Hawke as the head of a normally functional family, with his wife, teenage daughter who hates him, and wide eyed son who ask lots of stupid questions, and totally loving, obedient and dependent wife (As I said, normally functional family. I don’t know why movies always portray families to be like this. That’s not everyones reality, but this can be a chat for another day). He works for a company that specialises in home security. Total home security. His house is a big panic room… with lots of rooms.

The basic premise of this movie is its America in a semi distant future, the current leaders have allowed a special day in the year where all crime is legal. The use of any weapons except for class four (no idea what class four weapons are, but I assume that is probably chemical weapons, nuclear weapons and general stuff that causes war like damage) are permitted. All members of government are also exempt from the day of carnage. The catch is that all emergency services will be disabled. No ambulance, police or fire people. At this point I got excited because it was a total anarchy for 24hrs situation. What could the director of the movie do with such an exciting prospect for a movie.

I was excited, and there is a very eerie part of the movie where there is announcement about the start of the purge and the rules to the purge. This is where the movie started to break down for me. Whatever state Ethan was in, the purge was starting at 8pm… what about other parts of Americaland… surely some places it would then start during the day right? Coz Americanland is HUGE! So this is where the disappointment starts.

Of course the son decides to help someone who is about to get purged by a group of masked madmen out in the streets of suburbia exacting violence on random people. Random black guy manages to hide in Ethan’s house… for the whole movie. Like THE WHOLE MOVIE. Till the end. In someone else’s house.

There is a debate between the mother and the father because the randoms outside want the random inside. Father says yes, then no, then he dies (thank God), but mother was saying no the whole time.

The interesting twist at the end if you manage to keep concentrating that long without falling into a coma, is that just when the masked randoms break into the house, the neighbours come and kill the masked randoms. All happy days its over. NOOO!!! They also wanted to get a taste of Ethan’s family. Of course before they can deal a swift death to them (after some ritualistic chanting and so forth), random black guy pops up and saves the day!
In the true course of trying to leave you wondering, at the end of the 24hrs, when the sun comes up and the ambulances are dispatched, random black guy says thanks and walks on his way.

The End

Like what the fuck man!!!!! But seriously, watch it. Its not a horror. It’s like a part comedy part b movie part thriller part action movie. You see normal people doing extraordinarily amazing and dumb shit all in one go.

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A very apt description...